There’s moments filled with so much pride scattered throughout motherhood. Nothing can drive me up the wall quite like my children, but nothing can make me as proud. I feel like on a daily basis I question my ability to raise my children in to good people. I won’t lie. There are days where Ryland’s outbursts and attitude have me feeling like I’m majorly failing at raising him not to be an asshole. But then there’s times like today. We’re in the living room watching Trolls for the millionth time…and I’m really not exaggerating on that. He’s playing with his legos while Lilah is laying on her tummy watching his every movement . Enamored with him. Ryland stands up on his tippy toes and places another block on the top of his tower. In an instant the whole thing comes crashing down, pieces hitting Lilah in the face. She immediately started crying, so I pulled her into my arms. Ryland dropped to his knees, touched her face and said “I sorry, sissy. I sorry”. He leaned forward and kissed her and asked her if she was “otay”. In that moment I seriously could’ve cried. It’s in moments like that, that I feel like we’re doing something so right. He may have outbursts and terrible tantrums at the most inconvenient times but he is one of the sweetest kids I know and his big heart is something we could’ve never taught him. He refused to pick up a block and play until he knew she was fine and had stopped crying. You could still see the concern painted on his face, though. I had to I reassure him that it was perfectly okay to play again before his attention left her. What’s better is that wasn’t the only heart melting experience of today either. Another one happened about 3 hours later during naptime. We’re all laying in my bed, sound machine on, fans on full blast, getting ready to fall asleep. Yes. I cosleep with both my children during naptime. For two reasons, I really like naps and I really love cuddles. Win win. We laid there in silence for a few minutes when Ryland rolled to his side. I watched him reach over and touch Lilah’s arm, his eyes looking at me waiting for my approval or disapproval. I smiled at him and he grabbed her hand, smiling. He let go, sat up and leaned over. He kissed her cheek and said “Ove you, sissy”. Having done that, he rolled over and passed out minutes later, as did Lilah. Swoon. My heart shattered into a million pieces again. The bond between them is seriously something special and the heart of a child never ceases to amaze me. Honestly, we as adults can learn a lot from them and their unending love they have for others. This really had no end point or real rhyme or reason other than to serve as a reminder to myself that even when I feel like I’m failing, my kids are great kids. They’re kind hearted, happy, and understand more than I give them credit for . And Even with him watching my every move, Ryland doesn’t see me as a bad mom or good mom. Children just see us as their mom, their safe haven & one of their favorite people in the world . And at the end of everyday, even the bad ones, thats what we should try to hold onto because our kids are good kids . We’re all just doing the best we can.
Until next time, Alyssia